Friday, December 2, 2011

Life is Ever Changing

I mean, I knew that. Really, I did. But SO much has changed since September. And it all started with a statement made by my coworkers on Monday, October 3, 2011. I had spent part of the weekend before that work week up in PA with my family and had eaten all kinds of different foods that my body was no longer used to. GOOD food, but not necessarily healthy food. So it wasn't any surprise to me that I wasn't feeling quite up to par on Monday morning. Then, as I was talking to Catherine (a close coworker), Kim (our office manager) walked up to join the conversation. And I almost immediately felt sick to my stomach and started dry heaving. Grabbed for my trash can, but thankfully didn't need it. Take one Wild guess at what that statement was. Go ahead..You might be right. Kim looked at me and said...."You're pregnant." "No, I'm not," I replied "I think I just ate something funky up in PA this weekend."
   "Nope. You're pregnant." Kim declared.

Well, knowing my body and how out of whack it has always been, I keep pregnancy tests on hand at home. So when my alarm went off Tuesday morning (Oct. 4th), I took a test. And sat in my bathroom for the next fifteen minutes bawling my eyes out.

I've taken pregnancy test many times before. My period is almost non-existent so I keep those test "just in case". They've always taken a full minute to show the negative sign. But not this morning. On October 4, 2011, it took less than five seconds for that test to show as positive. I was pregnant. And in shock.

I just spent the last 4 months working out, eating right, and losing 34 lbs. And now...I was pregnant. That meant weight gain. Life change. A Baby! I didn't know what to do other than sit in my bathroom and cry. I was elated...I was going to have a baby. I was devastated...I was going to gain all the weight that I had worked so hard to lose...right back. I wanted to talk to Joseph...but he was still asleep and is never fond of being woken up before his alarm. Finally, I stopped crying and went through all the motions that it took to get ready for another day of work. Finished in the bathroom, I took the dogs downstairs to let them outside, and I called my mom.

Of course, it was only 4:30 in the morning so she didn't answer. Her cell phone was turned off. So was the house phone. I had to call my younger sister. Only she didn't answer, her voicemail did. Then she called back, because her phone had woke my mom and my mom woke her up to call me back. In tears, and barely understandable, I told my mom that I was pregnant. She congratulated me, then because she couldn't understand me through my tears, handed the phone back to Rachel and went back to bed. Really, Mom!?! So I had to share my elation and mostly my fears with my sister, finally calming down after Rachel stated, "Hannah, if God is giving you this baby now then He must believe you're ready to be a mother. He knows best."

After Joseph woke up, I did share the news with him albeit still in a slightly hysterical way. (Since I had had time to work myself up again.) He decided I wasn't fit to work and made me call off sick. Joseph did the same and we actually spent a very nice day together getting used to the idea.

Wednesday found me at my doctor's office for an appointment just to confirm the pregnancy. Not like that was hard. After two positive home tests...I was pretty sure it was for real.

This coming Sunday will make it two months that I've known about my baby and I can't even begin to explain the changes I've already gone through mentally. I still think some days that I'm not quite ready to be a mom, but when that happens I just remind myself that I still have 5 months to go before the baby will be here. I remind myself that God DOES know what's best for me. That He is in control and He's not going to give me any more than I can handle. I'm so excited about my baby now. I can't wait to meet him/her. So, until that day, I'm calling him Squishie. Makes it easier than calling the baby an "it" since I don't know the sex yet. Joseph does want to find out, so that announcement will be coming, but until then...Squishie will remain my baby without a color. Though...I just have to say...if Squishie's a girl....I really don't want alot of pink. all!