Saturday, March 10, 2012

Famous Last Words

I'll get a world record for this.
Let me reach in and get your watch out of the printing press.
Hey, there's no handles inside these car doors!
It's fireproof.
He's probably just hibernating.
What does this button do?
I'm making a citizen's arrest.
So, you're a cannibal...
It's probably just a rash.
Why am I standing on a plastic sheet?
Are you SURE the power if off?
Yeah, I made the deciding vote on the jury, so what of it?
The odds of that happening have to be a million to one!
What duck?
What do you mean, "I'll be back"?
Pull the pin and count to what?
Which wire was I supposed to cut?
I've seen this done on TV.
I'll hold it and you light the fuse.
It can't possibly rain for forty days and nights.
Give me liberty or give me death.
It's strong enough for both of us.
This doesn't taste right.
I can make the light before it changes.
Nice doggie.
I can do that with my eyes closed.
I've done this before.
Well, we've made it this far.
That's odd.
You wouldn't hit a guy with glasses on, would you?
OK. This is the last time.
Don't be so superstitious.
Now watch this!

Bored in Class?

WARNING: Do not do all of them in one class.

1. Try to develop psychic powers, then use 'em.
2. Inflate a beachball and throw it around the room.
3. Sing showtunes.
4. Fake a seizure
5. Make loud animal noises then deny doing it.
6. Think of new pick up lines. See if they work.
7. Pretend you're flying a jet fighter in the Gulf War.
8. Churn some butter.
9. Conceive a brand new language.
10. Walls made of brick. Count 'em.
11. Think of nicknames for everyone you know.
12. See how long you can hold your breath.
13. Chew on your arm until someone notices.
14. Change seats every three minutes.
15. Think of five new ways to cheat at Trivial Pursuit
16. Shave.
17. Run across the room, tag someone and say, "You're it!"
18. Think of five new ways to use your shoes.
19. Start a wave.
20. Walk around the room begging for spare change.
21. Roast marshmallows.
22. Practice phrasing your answers in the form of a question.
23. Crawl around the room humming the theme from Mission Impossible.
24. Take apart your desk.
25. Tear pages out of your notebook.
26. Pretend to communicate with your home planet.
27. Play rock-paper-scissors with yourself. Accuse your left hand of cheating.
28. Do a quick tapdance routine.
29. Play with matches.
30. Try birdwatching.
31. Scratch yourself. Alot.
32. Walk up the aisle yelling, "Popcorn! Hot popcorn here!"
33. Throw your backpack at someone.
34. Draw on your stomach.
35. Run to the window, then say, "Sorry, I thought I saw the Bat signal."
36. Ask the person in front of you to marry you.
37. Start laughing really hard and say, "Oh! Now I get it!"
38. Make a sundial.
39. Bite people.
40. Summarize the teachings of Socrates in 50 words or less.
41. Give yourself a new identity.
42. Write a screenplay about a diabetic Swedish girl who can't swim.
43. Dig an escape tunnel.
44. Announce your candidacy for President.
45. Learn to tie your shoes with one hand.
46. See how many push-ups you can do.
47. Run with scissors.
48. Write stupid lists

Theory Student's Nightmare

I think that I shall never be
Conductor of a symphony!
A band of players so elite
Would cringe each time I tapped the beat.

In concert black with white baton,
I'd stare out pop-eyed at the throng.
With shaking knees and sweaty palms,
I'd raise my stick & bring it down.

At once the flutes began too shrill -
The violins joined with a will
WAIT! That's a rest! WHY do the play?
I knew that this was not my day.

I peered at my conductor's score.
I flipped a page and then three more...
Compound meters, triple beats,
C-clefs, solos, hordes of keys!

The deafening din of snare drums' rattle
Reminded me of stampeding cattle.
They must be stopped before the crowd
Revolted in an ugly battle!

I yelled at them with all my power
Then woke to my floorleaders glower.
"Did you forget?

~ A. Nonnymous (a PCC student)

Saving Laughs Just in Case

So, I'm not sure at all whether or not I've typed these up on here before or not, BUT, I'm putting them up now because I'm about to throw away the hard copies. Cleaning out my house in order to get ready for Squishie coming in May. That is all.