Friday, April 2, 2010

Conversations with Rachel

Hannah: Can I just tell you how happy I am that I get to be at my parents home for Easter weekend?

Rachel: Tell me - how happy?

Hannah: Oh, Rachel, if only mere words could describe my feelings.

Rachel: Oh! GROSS! YOU JUST KISSED ME!! You are waaay too excited!

Hannah: LIAR! Liar. liar. liar. I did NOT kiss you. EEEEEW! Now, where was I? Oh, yes. How happy I am to be home for Easter. Do you realize that I haven't been at home for Easter for 10 years. TEN. YEARS.

Rachel: Uh, wow. So are you saying I'm not kissable? Thanks. You've really helped my self-esteem. My sister won't even kiss me. Blimey.

Hannah: You? Kissable? Ummm. no. Stop interrupting my feelings of excitement. I shall have a magnificent garden party and YOU'RE not invited.

Rachel: It's still too cold and none of the flowers are blooming. I don't want to come to your garden party, you lumux. I wash my hands of this weirdness! I refuse to be followed by rocks.

Hannah: You know, not everyone is watching Pirates of the Carribean: At World's End while they read my blog. They may not know what we're talking about.
So, Rachel, what did you do today?

Rachel: Went to a Good Friday service this afternoon. Listened to the volume level in my house raise ten times louder than usual - my sister came home for Easter. SHE SMACKED ME!!

Hannah: Who smacked you? I think watching Jack Sparrow is messing with your mind, dear sister.

Rachel: You smacked me instead of kissing me! I'm over it. I feel for your readers though - if they've read this far.

Hannah: me too. They must be really bored tonight. Maybe they can come over and watch At World's End with us. They could have sooo much fun. I have to say, though, that Elizabeth Swan is the weakest heroine ever written into a movie.

Rachel: I can't wait for her inspiring speech that fails to inspire anyone except for those looking at her lips. Have I mentioned that she has weird lips?

Hannah: I don't know that it's her lips so much as the way she talks. It's ever so distracting. It's so pouty. Like in Sense and Sensibility. Whiny. Are you ready? We're gonna flip the ship, now.

Rachel: Up is down. Well that's just maddeningly unhelpful. Like most instruction manuals. Who read those anyway? Name one instruction manual more than two pages long that you've ever read? Digital camera? Cellphone? Anything? nope.

Hannah: What IS that!?! instruction manuals? yes, the swingset manual was longer than two pages. And Rachel, you can't call your students "bilge rats". That's just not nice.

Rachel: I was thinking of "bilge rats" as an affectionate nickname. A step up from "nincompoops."

Hannah: "Nincompoops??" Really? I need a pistol. hahaha A water gun! You know you shouldn't be so mean to your students.

Rachel: I'm nice to them. "We be nice to them if they be nice to us. *gollum, gollum*" Ooops, wrong movie.

Hannah: aye, darlin'. definitely the wrong movie. granted Orlando Bloom IS in both, but he's much better looking naturally. Oh dear. poisoned water. Now what are we going to do???

Rachel: I'm not sure I can survive any more visits from old seesters.

Hannah: *gasp* but. but. but. I thought you liked me! *tear*

Rachel: Close your eyes and pretend it's all a bad dream.

Hannah: honey, YOU are a bad dream.

Rachel: Sweetheart, I'm your worst nightmare. "Your such a girl. You're such a little girl. I'm not touching you. I'm not touching you." Different movie. Ugh. This "Pirates" confuses me. Too many double crosses.

Hannah: Stop touching ME! I KEEEL YOU!!! oh wait. that's the wrong dvd too. But, I agree with Achmed the Dead Terrorist.

Now, I have to post this now. It's gonna be way too long soon.

Rachel: "Buh-bye. Buh-bye now. Okay. Are they gone? Is everybody gone?"

Hannah: And that was without a single drop of run. But, honey darlin', seester dear, "everybody" will never be gone. They're all only in your head. It will be okay. I'll get you a pretty purple jacket and put you in a pretty blue padded room with no windows. All will be okay in the end.

Rachel: Ooooh! and shiny things! I want many, many shining things, coteledon!

Hannah: Shiny things are much too dangerous. maybe I'll give you a plastic window that you will be able to see your shiny things through. Did your Beckett tell you that? That you can have shiny things in your blue room?

Rachel: Why is my room blue? Why not pink or neon green? And does my straightjacket have polka-dots? Didn't we say we were ending? Maybe we should be institutionalizing YOU instead of me.

Hannah: Your room is blue because I said so although if neon green would make you calm DOWN, I'll consider repainting. No, your jacket does not have polka-dots. Dots make you crazy. We'll end when you stop telling me your butt hurts from sitting on the floor.

Rachel: Stop passing me this laptop!! NOOOOO! Okay "this is the end. I'm going now. I regret to announce that this party is over. Goodbye." Different movie.

Hannah: We are watching POTC: At World's End and you keep quoting other movies. What kind of movie watching seester ARE you!?!

Rachel: Heehee.

Thus ends Rachel's participation in your entertainment tonight. Maybe she'll come back some other day.


kim said...


Alicia said...

An all of this while I was trying to talk to mom on the phone... sisters...

Wish I were there!

Gwen said...

I want a seester like yours, will you share her?

I have a step sister and we are worlds apart not only in age, but in lifestyle. For example, she just got back from three weeks in Europe and I get excited when I go the ten miles into town.... Don't get me wrong, I am not bitter at all, it is just so hard to find things to talk about with her. I bring ups books, she tells me about a new night club. I bring up my great BF of 5 years, she tells me about the yahoo she met on It is like oil and water.