I feel like my in-laws don't really like me. But, I'd like to get to know them better. They're both reasonably civil and sometimes even really nice, but there's always something holding them back. Unfortunately, I'm not exactly the most outgoing person on my own. I have to have someone to bounce off of. I tend to be the person that sits off to the side of a conversation listening to everything going on around me, but not really getting personally involved.
Here's the thing. My father-in-law just have a quintuple bypass surgery on his heart yesterday and I don't know much about it at all. Joseph isn't exactly one for talking about something like this and I feel weird calling my mother-in-law and asking for details now (that's it done and all). See, my in-laws didn't tell me about the surgery, Joseph did. My in-laws don't talk to me. So I kinda feel out of place in asking for information about something they didn't share with me on their own already. Would I be out of place in asking about it now? I don't want them to think I'm not interested in them, but it's just hard to show interest in someone that doesn't seem to be interested in me.
help! What should I do?? I need advice, please
4 comments:
Well, MY opinion (bet you never guessed that I had one), is that you can act like a proper daughter in law regardless of how much they do or don't appreciate it. As their son's wife and the only daughter figure, I'd be dragging my husband to the hospital to visit for sure, supper in hand. Call or have him call every night for an update. I feel like my job is to make sure my husband is the son they deserve. He is, of course, and they love each other dearly, but he doesn't always keep up with the caretaking details. -And families have to take care of each other!
And with that big of a surgery and recovery, it's hardly over and done with. Ask what you can bring to the hospital. Does he feel up to reading and need something new. Are they sick of cafeteria food? Unless they actually forbid you to visit, I'd at least drop by for a few minutes. If he doesn't have allergies and isn't in ICU, some kind of air freshener can be a nice thing to bring along too - takes away the stale hospital smell. As long as you're sensitive to the needs of the person you're visiting (no loud talking/laughing or too long a visit), I hardly see how anyone could think anything but well of you for looking after your husband's parents. Someone's going to have to do that more and more as they grow older, and they're going to eventually realize that. And won't it be nice if they also realize just how special you are and how well you would do that job if they'd let you? ((Hugs)) Wish everyone's in-laws were as precious and loving as mine. The world would be a better place. I can't imagine not being right in the waiting room with Brian and his mom, or at least in close cell phone update status at home with the kids, if his dad had that surgery. We always are right there visiting his parents or grandparents whenever they have to stay in the hospital. It is the priority. I really do think that's normal...
It is normal for you to ask and visit and look out for his family. Sons are not always tuned in to how to care for people. You are the only daughter figure. I always ask Brian if he's called and checked up on his parents or grandparents. We would always be visiting whenever they're in the hopital. Every night, if possible, especially if his parents are in the hospital. Go and visit, make Joseph come with you - take lunch/supper. If he's not in ICU and doesn't have allergies, an air freshener is nice. If he's feeling up to reading and needs something new, a magazine or book is nice (maybe in a few days). No matter how open they are or aren't, I don't think that you can be faulted for trying to care for them and see how your husband's father is doing. I think it would be far worse for them to feel that you and Joseph just ignored the fact that something that serious was happening. I can't imagine Brian not being right with his mom in the waiting room, and I'd be hanging by the phone. As long as you're not talking or laughing too loudly, or staying too long, I can hardly see how a visit would be anything but a credit to you, unless they expressly forbid it, in which case, I'd send flowers for sure. And considering the seriousness of the surgery and length of recovery, it's hardly over and done with. I think it would be far worse, to not do anything, or show that you want to take care of them. They're going to realize at some point that as they grow older, they are going to need someone to take care of them, and hopefully they will also then realize that you are a gem, and can be a wonderful blessing to them. I wish everyone had in-laws as loving and precious as mine. The world would be a better place.
Wow. Just glanced over and saw Alicia's book. I'm sure she answered your question thoroughly, but here's my two cents: get involved - call, chat, post a note on FB, make a point to talk about something they do or are interested in each time you see them. You might not see results, you might feel like you crash and burn, but it's the righteous thing to do.
People know when people do or don't like them. If you feel/think your in-laws don't like you they probably don't. Time to check yourself and find out what your problem is. Husbands usually don't want to hurt your feelings and tell you the truth. So best to self-check and even ask your in-laws at an appropriate time why it seems like they don't like you. That would be an ice breaker. You should always be progressive and willing to better yourself at all times. Scorpios are not always well liked and have a lot of personality issues that are not always favorable.
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