(Formerly posted on SparkPeople on Saturday, August 27, 2011)
For those of you who don't know, The Mirror of Erised is a mirror from Harry Potter that shows the person that looks into their heart's greatest desire. The Challenge of Harry Potter contained a daily challenge of blogging about that topic this week.
I can't begin to tell you how hard this topic is for me because I don't really know that I even HAVE a greatest desire. I mean, aside from working a lousy real-life job, I am content. I have everything I need as well as the greatest husband a girl could ever ask for. I suppose...well, I suppose there is one more thing I would love to have.
Children. Of my own. I grew up in a family of seven children and therefore never lacked a playmate. However, I have a problem that my mom has never had. I have an irregular menstrual cycle. So irregular, that I've gone as long as two and a half years without a period that wasn't caused by pills. I honestly don't know if I am even capable of having children. And, my dears, I WANT children. I want a large family like the one I grew up in. Yes, I AM serious. I DO want alot of children. Call me crazy, but if God will provide the means to take care of them, what right do I have to limit the number of children He gives me?
This is why I began my weight loss journey. My lifestyle change. I got tired of making excuses about why I may never be able to have children. See, I don't have polycystic ovary syndrome. I don't have a hormone imbalance. I don't have any reason that I shouldn't be having a normal period. But I don't have one anyway. So, I figured, maybe it IS related to my weight. If I can change even that ONE thing...maybe it will help. Because I want to be a mother. I want to change smelly diapers. I want to teach my own children. I want to see them grow up. And not just in my dreams. For real.
This, my dear friends, is what my Mirror of Erised shows me. A large white house with a wrap-around porch with my husband and I standing on the front stairs to the porch surrounded by little brown and blonde haired children (boys. not girls). A few dogs thrown in the mix and my Mirror is complete.
If I can, personally, do nothing else other than change my lifestyle to be more healthy and more fit, than so be it. BUT, I WILL change. I WILL do everything I possibly can to actually own a REAL picture that matches what my Mirror shows me.