Sunday, September 4, 2011

The Mirror of Erised or My Heart's Desire (8.27.11)

(Formerly posted on SparkPeople on Saturday, August 27, 2011)

For those of you who don't know, The Mirror of Erised is a mirror from Harry Potter that shows the person that looks into their heart's greatest desire. The Challenge of Harry Potter contained a daily challenge of blogging about that topic this week.

I can't begin to tell you how hard this topic is for me because I don't really know that I even HAVE a greatest desire. I mean, aside from working a lousy real-life job, I am content. I have everything I need as well as the greatest husband a girl could ever ask for. I suppose...well, I suppose there is one more thing I would love to have.

Children. Of my own. I grew up in a family of seven children and therefore never lacked a playmate. However, I have a problem that my mom has never had. I have an irregular menstrual cycle. So irregular, that I've gone as long as two and a half years without a period that wasn't caused by pills. I honestly don't know if I am even capable of having children. And, my dears, I WANT children. I want a large family like the one I grew up in. Yes, I AM serious. I DO want alot of children. Call me crazy, but if God will provide the means to take care of them, what right do I have to limit the number of children He gives me?

This is why I began my weight loss journey. My lifestyle change. I got tired of making excuses about why I may never be able to have children. See, I don't have polycystic ovary syndrome. I don't have a hormone imbalance. I don't have any reason that I shouldn't be having a normal period. But I don't have one anyway. So, I figured, maybe it IS related to my weight. If I can change even that ONE thing...maybe it will help. Because I want to be a mother. I want to change smelly diapers. I want to teach my own children. I want to see them grow up. And not just in my dreams. For real.

This, my dear friends, is what my Mirror of Erised shows me. A large white house with a wrap-around porch with my husband and I standing on the front stairs to the porch surrounded by little brown and blonde haired children (boys. not girls). A few dogs thrown in the mix and my Mirror is complete.

If I can, personally, do nothing else other than change my lifestyle to be more healthy and more fit, than so be it. BUT, I WILL change. I WILL do everything I possibly can to actually own a REAL picture that matches what my Mirror shows me.

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